You're Beautiful?

heya,

Today i was listening to a song, its called "You're Beautiful" by James blunt. At first i hated said song. Then they played it so much i actually got it stuck inside my head. Which is called an ear worm. So i downloaded this song. I've got it on repeat now so that i dont miss my point for writing this. I dont know if anyone else in the world does like i do with music. Although that sentence sounded unusually strange it was not meant to sound like it did. I relate songs to people, and i relate memories esspecially to people. Here read this section of the song.

"Yes, you caught my eye, as i walked on by. She could see from my face, that i was, fucking high. and i dont think that i'll see her again. but we shared a moment that will last til the end. you're beautiful, you're beautiful, you're beautiful, its true! i saw your face, in crowded place. And i dont know what to do. Cause i'll never be with you."

What do you think? now if you knew me, you'd know exactly whom that should point to. But suprisingly enough it makes me feel strangly alone. Not wanting anyway, no one in mind, not even the high one that the song should remind me of. anyway!! next topic, that one was rather boring. but then thats my life..

I'm staying with my grandfather now, i moved again. i dont know if i can stand living here. I'm going esspecially crazy today, because i lost my cigarrettes. i've been trying to get ahold of this person lately, and the person doesnt want to talk to me or something. they must be dating again. Because whenever this person dates. i've found out, they ignore everyone else. As if dating is the most important thing in the world. Pssh dating sucks. hey let me go on a date with someone i've never met, they can try and stick their tounge down my throat. Then the ackward silences, then an ackward goodbye. then you people have to decided whom is going to call whom back, first! and you feel like a complete looser if its you.

So have you ever felt the blues. Felt completely and utterly alone. To the point of going mad. well im not that bad yet i dont believe. i do however feel very alone, and its very scary for me. I havent really been alone in so long. Well i've never really been alone like this before. where i feel like i have no one to talk to you, no one to cry to, no one to just tell me to shut up and push on. ah i guess this is life, well life is about a crock. Oh its so wonderful to live, when i almost died i found life, bullshit. When you almost died, you almost got a break, from this living hell that everyone else wouldnt mind leaving. You crazy ass, why didnt you push harder to go? oh when i almost died, all i could think about was my kids. Blah kids grow up best with less parental control, its called being indepentant. anyone heard of that? okay i think i'm done rambling, sorry.... i've probably affended a hand full of people, and turned the others off forever.

-Jess