You've got a fast car, i want a ticket to anywhere..

"you got a fast car, i want a ticket to anywhere. Maybe we can make a deal, Maybe together we can get somewhere. Any place is better, startin' from 0, got nothing to loose. Maybe we'll make something, me myself i got nothing to prove." So if i'm willing to run away from my life here and be your bonnie, are you willing to be my Clyde , and take me anywhere?? Because "We've gotta make a decision, leave tonight, or live and die this way." Basically what I'm saying to you is
"So remember when we were drivin' in your car, speeds so fast i felt like i was drunk. city lights came out before us, and your arm felt nice wrapped round my shoulders. and i... had a feelin that i belong. i had a feelin' i could be someone, be someone..." that's all anyone can really want from life, now isn't it? When we're young we all talk about getting out of town, but what if there was no possible way? make one you say? What if you felt so stuck to your past, that you unwillingly make it your now future. then your screwed? yeah thats what i thought.. I drove past his house the other day, i don't even know why. Did i think he was going to be sitting there waiting for me to drive past? and then he was going to run out to my car, renounce his love for me, tell me he would change. And what exactly would i have done if he had? gone inside with him? been stuck to him again? i don't think so, but being alone is so damn lonely. I want to have FUN! for once, with someone, someone of the opposite sex. Someone who could actually appreciate what i do. When i clean the clothes, when i cook the dinners, when i clean the house. Someone to maybe make me feel special for once. I'm so sick of feeling worthless, and shitty about myself. I had someone in mind, but i haven't talked to them in a few days. even when i talk to them, i don't feel like their really there. Listening to me, wanting me as much as i thought i wanted them. They never call, i haven't seen them in geeze quite a while. and to tell the truth, i want them here, i think about it everyday. How that will be the one great day of the year. When he comes here and we go out and have a crazy wild time, come home and have sex (Because lord knows i NEED it!). and then we kiss good bye, and he goes away again. Not that i want him to, but thats what he will have to do. even one day, where i feel special is better than none.
So i'm writing this story, about me, and my life. I'm so stuck, i remember what happened some what but i just cant get it done in detail. And how do i talk about other people? like a really feel? what if it hurts their feelings? true its my opinion and its my book, but i don't want anyone to get hurt. Of course it would be unintentional, i wouldn't be cruel on purpose, like others.
I had my first nervous break down, since mark, last night. I was driving and all of sudden it just hit me. I was all upset, hurrying home, But why??? I didn't have anyone at home to talk to about it, i was on my own. I have no one, i guess having mark may have been better than being alone. I cant even believe that i just thought that. So i started to cry, as i was driving. And of course a cop pulls up behind me. I thought great, just when I'm feeling shitty there is some thing else to make me feel worse. But he ended up not pulling me over, so that was good. I just felt so overwhelmed, my life is a bunch of crap.
I've been helping Sarah find a wedding dress, 3 days it took us. But we finally found one. My back was killing me so much from helping her. And then after we found one, she had promised to go with me to this store (U-Top). Because well I'm a chicken shit, god forbid i actually do something alone. Anyway so when she was driving me back i said, hey we forgot we were going to go to U-top. "Oh well, i gotta get home" which she didn't really have to do. It just kinda hurt my feelings. I spent three days with her, doing what she wanted, and i asked her for one thing, that would have taken 5 minutes. And she couldn't do it. So i had 10 minutes til close to get there, i made it, and I PIERCED MY NOSE AGAIN. :) yay! I'm glad, but i don't think the guy that did it was licensed to do piercing's. but i guess it was hella better than doing it myself. Last time it took my 5 days to pierce it myself. Oh and i wasn't being selfish, Sarah has 3 weeks until she gets married AT THE COURT HOUSE. so the dress wasn't something that HAD to be done THAT DAY. it could have waited. but i know she was excited and i would be too. That's why i helped her with it. Its just typical Sarah behavior. Selfishness. Anyway that's about it for news from me. Leave a comment, don't.. whatever...



This picture came out really crappy, it didnt look that bad when i took it...