Deep Inside

Have you ever been so deep inside, of a feeling. That it's almost like you can't find your way out? That you've lost all sight of who you were, who you are. All you can think about it who, or what, you want to be. To make the feeling, feel the right way? What does that even mean? I just wrote it, and I cant even understand it, its got to be, either THE dumbest thing I've ever said out loud, or THE all time, weirdest thing. It's most definatly a familiar feeling, that I've known many a time. Always, and again, with the same end. It's all about you, and its like, I don't want to call you, but then I want to call you. The sadest part of the mess as a whole, has got to be that, this one little piece ththings, Shall we? It's like this, and this is the only way I can describe it.. I'm like Dr. suss today. at I knew the hole time, I found again, and its like the first time all over again. Just the same- stress, longing, and unsubtle mess. For those of you, whom think you know what I mean, Chances are, You Don't, so let's don't assume, shall we?

She's got something inside,

a loneliness, One she can not hide.

Boy makes girl, feel like nothing before,

Their alone, no one understood.

Alone is so unpleasant, and together is so far.

He took for granted, all those times

The feeling was his, a seed he planted.

until the day, when his voice chimes

stuck in the mud is she, thats where she'll be.

He's changed their lives so it seems?

thats just the important section of my thoughts. I just poped that out, just for you, isnt that special. so lately I've been drinking, just like the last 2 evenings. I don't think I'm going to this evening, because basically all it's been doing is making me feel utterly alone. which I don't know, isn't THE all time, worst feeling, but its certainly no where close to the best.

I honestly just came back in the room, and I've lost all train of thought. I can't stand my life, its so.... NOT what it should be, It's rather depressing to actually sit and think about. Course I've been feeling depressed in general the last couple of days. I guess this weekend should cure that for me. I'm going to order my drugs tonight, go shopping tomorrow, as well as clean tomorrow. That should basically be it for preperation for this weekend. No I guess its not, I need to do my hair the night before, maybe get it cut too. Then of course I'll probably do my nails the night before. I wish I had been able to diet or something too. I mean in general I just don't eat, thats just because of my drugs. I can only eat certain things, at certain times, and in certain amounts. It's not like my dieting preference before, where I just didn't eat. That's not the case at all, but shoot that's the best way to loose weight.

Well this just in, I probably wont be able to get clothes. I found this cat two days ago, it looked like mine (sheba) that ran away. I found it 2 doors down, thats why i just assumed it was. well it won't go home, I take it back there, and it comes back here. Anyway, my point being, It's not getting along with my other cat "Blackie" its okay with "Edgar". I just found blackie and he doesnt look good, so I need to take him to the vets tomorrow!! Poor thing, I think i'm going to keep him inside with me all night. Then Edgar needs to go in for his mouth, something in there is wrong. Plus he needs a plain check up. Then this new cat, I need to take in and have checked out. Which is going to be hard to take all 3 in because i've only got one cat carrier now. Mark took one, and my friend took the other. Anyway I know If i take them in, I wont be able to get clothes. But the poor things, they need it, more than I need clothes. That's just life, I guess my guy will just have to see me in shitty clothes. I know the vet is going to try and sell me all this B/S too. Hopfully my friend will be working, he's a vet. I know his whole family, so he might be better. anyway this post is huge... I'm off to it, peace!